youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
