yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
handjob tips. give me some.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
