He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
