If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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