Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
