Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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