We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
