i just wanna soil my oats bro
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
