I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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