i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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