One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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