He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
