You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
