I love black thongs
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
