All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
