My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
