Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
