yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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