Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
