Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Acid is not a monday night drug
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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