have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
