i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
