update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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