he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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