I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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