she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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