are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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