Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
