Nicole vs. Life
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
