wrigley field is MILF paradise
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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