Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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