yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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