The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
