Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
