they need to just BURY HIM!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
