Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
