White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
