Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
