i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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