i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
