Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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