is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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