omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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