all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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