Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
