dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Small penises have feelings too.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
