I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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