I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
