we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
