Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
