please come you make the beer taste better
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You can't just leave with hair like that
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
