We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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